Tears shed on a funeral.

Gone too soon.

Today, I attended a friend's funeral. We are really not that close but I always see her since we were kids. Her uncle is a close friend of my dad and mingling with their huge family wasn't hard. They are very dear to us and I could say we treat them as our family too.

She's dear to her cousins and relatives. She's known for being 'bungis-ngisera, walang kaarte-arte, at mapagkumbaba'. She throws funny jokes, and smiles a lot. To her mom, she's a precious gift and to her siblings she's a very loving sister.

I never thought I'd be affected this much but I say to myself that the sadness that transpired in the funeral served a good force for me to write this down.

Ate Meng, 24, a mother of two sweet angels and a good wife of Kuya Charles, died because of Dengue. The relatives told us she had Grade 4 Dengue. She stayed in the hospital and fought for her life in the ICU... but eventually surrendered and lifted everything to God.

Her mom, Tita Joy, suffered so much pain. In pain to see her daughter being CPR-d (i don't know how the experts call the past tense of CPR but yeah, she was) and finally having to decide to cut it out or continue. Ate Meng fought, she had her own battle but things were too fast.

I don't personally know her husband Charles but I saw them couple of times. Quiet couple but always sweet and thoughtful of each other. They had kids at a very young age, two sweet angels Charline (6y/o) and Catherine (turning 1 this Dec25). When I saw Charles the other night at the wake, he looked sad and exhausted. I often find him staring blankly at something. And I told myself, what if I am living the life and carrying the sadness he has right now?

Things start to flash in my head, countless sad, drifting things I could think of and a tear fell down from my eye. I said to myself, I am never strong with this kind of thing. Losing a loved one is hard. We thought break-ups are hard but this one is harder. When breaking up, you have this hope that you'll see him/her again, or someday you'll be back in each others' arms.. but with death, I can't explain it, but it's heartbreaking... and you have nothing.

When we attended the final mass, the priest kept on saying things that have something to do with Christmas. But what's moving is the part where Tita Joy spoke in front of everybody for her message and simple memories of Ate Meng.

Half a second, she's sobbing in front of everybody. She said, "...Sanay ako nagpapatawa, hindi sa ganito." It's true. She's a happy person and it's hard to see a mother who lost her daughter at a very young age. She had these messages from her children from the States. The messages made us cry. Charles did. Lots of times.

Charline did too eventually. I saw in her eyes that she's trying to understand everything, all the sobbing from the people in the room. Her aunts told her, "Wala na si Mommy mo, nasa heaven na.." and Charline just cried her heart out while hugging her Daddy Charles. It was really a heartbreaking thing to see.

The final blessing was another sad thing to see. Everybody was crying but what really caught my attention was Tita Joy. She kept on saying, "I love you anak, I love you so much. I love you Charmaine!" She said that many times with tears on her eyes.

I never thought I'd cry that much. I felt the love and sadness, the urge, the wish "IF ONLY WE COULD TURN BACK TIME.", the regret "IT HAPPENED TOO FAST." and the most moving words "WE WILL MISS HER."

It was hard for Tita Joy to accept that her daughter's gone now but I know Charles and her share the same pain. Charles loved her so much and he probably worries the future... I was told that Ate Meng usually waits for Charles at the doorstep of their house every night at sabay sila mag-didinner. She serves him and she's a very good wife to Charles. Paano na ngayon? When Charles gets home, who would wait for him at the doorstep? Who would hug him so tight? Comfort him? Who would help him with raising up the kids? These are probably the things Charles would surely miss about Ate Meng...

When the cremation was over, I found Charles staring blankly at the legit papers he has on his hands and he stared at Ate Meng's urn. I saw the sadness. I saw the pain.

I am sure the wounds would heal and they all would move on...

This experience thought me so many things. We could be gone in a blink of an eye and it would also be too late for us to thank all the people who loved us so much, that's why we must cherish everything before it's too late.

Ate Meng, you will be surely missed! Rest in peace.



PS.

..so when I die, I want everybody to wear white. I want a wide photo gallery near my coffin or chapel. I want an AVP and a mini movie where of course, ako ang bida. I want dim lights and the mini movie just keeps on playing. I don't think I want to be cremated but I'd surely love to get a regular visit from my loved ones. I want singing sessions at the wee hours para naman lively. I don't know but if you guys see this blog when I'm dead, please do these things for me.. kundi mumultohin ko kayo!